May 2011
13 posts
Rage
I am so frustrated with the men I work with who get paid twice, 3x, 4x my salary, who get ME to do all the heavy lifting of their job, and then wonder ( out loud to my face or to others within earshot) why I look/am so tired/pissed/”bitchy.”
Fuck the jerkcircus*!!!
*the Man/patriarchy/what have you
“mosquitos and pimples are coming into season”
– Sister
“work would be awesome if it was just wine and snark”
– Me
“I got my new shoes!
oh also JISM”
– Me
“man i remember how bad i wanted a typewriter when i was like 8-9
i wanted a...”
– ME
Miscommunication
Me: oh i got confused
Sister: STOMACK
Me: you are not helping my confusion
“JUST BECAUSE I DONT PROCREATE DOESNT MEAN I DONT CARE”
– Sister
Sounds Terrible, Actually Delicious
Me: you want a cow/tomato party in your mouth!
Sister: GROSS dont ruin my life
The 4 Stages of a Frito Pie
Anticipation
Satisfaction
Regret
Denial
“there isn’t enough coke in the world that would make me want to clean up...”
– ME
Emoticons 2.0
Me: ?>:-K
Sister: mad questioning vampire
Me: :[#]
Sister: adult braces
Me: :[]
Sister: HEY is that rectangle mouth? I'M OFFENDED
April 2011
40 posts
“so that is my gossip
oh and [redacted] is constipated”
– ME
Meat by-products
Me: Guess whats on the menu for tonight? Its My Favorite*
Me: *not really
Sister: is it hot dogs?
Me: It IS hot dogs!!!
Me: How did you know???
Sister: because you like to pretend you hate them
Sister: when we all know they cannot be hated
Me: THE ONLY GOOD HOT DOG IS A CORN DOG
Me: thats what i want engraved on my tombstone
Sister: consider it done sister
Me: Thank you
Me: and it better not say I LOVE HOT DOGS or I will haunt the shit out of you
McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Jokes Made by... →
How do you stop a robot from destroying you and the rest of civilization? You don’t.
your monkey called: Q: How many Cormac McCarthies... →
yourmonkeycalled:
A: Two or perhaps three, approaching now, from beyond the tree in the long low light of morning. From some black place: a reckoning neither required nor bidden, a reckoning no judge could have ordered, but a reckoning nonetheless. One of the men carries a single glove, ready to grip the hot,…
Some days start inoffensive, but quickly take a left turn. Today is one of those days. The pressure builds. The arms begin to quiver. Can it hold? Does anyone notice?
Some days never have a chance. Doomed from the start.
